Why Can't I Say No?

Why can’t I say no?

What happens when a young child tells his parents no? I remember when my kids told me no, my first thought was to say, “Oh yeah?!” While I acknowledge the importance of learning obedience, it is just as important that our kids learn to say no. We usually don’t have to teach our kids the concept of no; most pick it up at a very early age. This was true with my own kids, and once they picked up the “no” concept, I began to systematically teach them that it’s not okay to say no to me.

As I walk alongside people who struggle with habitually making wrong choices and those who struggle with addiction, I wonder about the connection between the temptations we face and our learning to say no. I wonder if as children we were taught that it wasn’t okay, and now when facing temptation, needing to say no, we really don’t know how.

When a child learns to say no, they aren’t necessarily being disobedient as much as they are trying on what it means to “become their own person”. It’s our job as parents to guide this process. From my own experience I’m afraid I too often stopped the process with a “don’t say no to me!” Unintentionally, I was teaching my kids that it’s not okay to say no. I think it’s possible that we learn this lesson so well we never learn how to say no in a healthy way. So what happens when we are adults and out on our own and we run into temptation? At best we struggle with a handicapped “no” ability, at worst we just plain don’t know how.

I take great comfort in knowing that our Heavenly Father will teach us how to say no. Where I’ve learned that saying no is not okay, He will teach me how to say “yes” to “no”.