Water Walking Heart

Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that His disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while He sent the people home. After sending them home, He went up into the hills by Himself to pray. Night fell while He was there alone. Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves.

About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw Him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, "It's a ghost!" But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Don't be afraid," He said. "Take courage. I am here! "

Then Peter called to Him, "Lord, if it's really You, tell me to come to You, walking on the water."

"Yes, come," Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. "You have so little faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt Me?" When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped.

Then the disciples worshiped Him. "You really are the Son of God!" they exclaimed. 

After they had crossed the lake, they landed at Gennesaret. Matthew 14:22-33 NLT

Water lesson, take two? This is the second time that the disciples had an “on the water” experience. The first time Jesus was sleeping in the boat and the storm threatened to sink them. Jesus questioned them on their faith and their fear. Then He calmed the storm. They were amazed, observing that even the wind and the waves obey His command.

Take two: Jesus intentionally sends them ahead. Did they learn anything from their first water experience? The narrative doesn’t say they were all freaked out but it does tell us they were in trouble, working really hard against the wind and waves. I am sure the fishermen among them were well aware of the gravity of their circumstances. Surmising from the timeline of Jesus appearing at three in the morning, they had been working hard against the wind and waves for possibly up to ten hours. Ten hours of hard sailing/rowing? That would wear on a body. Hard work wears the mind and emotions as well as the body. I imagine myself in the boat, rowing hard. I’m thinking, I’ve been in this storm situation before: Jesus took care of that one, He’ll take care of this one, except He’s not here. After several hours I fight being a little frantic. I’m now tired, worn out even. (Keep working at it.) I’m wondering what’s going on, how is this going to turn out? I’m wondering why Jesus insisted that you head out without Him; I’m assuming He knew what was coming. (Keep working at it.) What’s He after? What am I supposed to learn? Is there something I’m missing here? (Keep working.) Keep moving. I’m really getting tired. Are we going to make it to the other side? I’m not sure I can hold out. (Keep working.) I’m starting to lose it here. Frantic is beginning to take over. There, coming out of the middle of the darkness, what is THAT? NOW I freak out.

It’s not often I find myself in a boat with a bunch of other guys rowing across the sea of Galilee, so where in my life have I had the “take two water lesson”? It’s funny, I always seem to hope that I’ve grown in my faith enough that I don’t have to live the lessons I read about in scripture, fully knowing that it’s these very lessons that grow my faith. Fear seems to be bound deep in the heart.

When I find myself in familiar testing water, I know Jesus is there because He’s met me here before and I’ve been awed by His control of my circumstances. So here I am again, rowing against these familiar waves. Wondering if He’ll show up. Wondering what I’m supposed to learn. Wondering how long I can hang on. Wondering if I have what it takes to make it to the end. Wondering if He’s doing this just to see how I’ll respond. Wondering if He’s sent me on ahead on purpose. Wondering if I missed something. Wondering if there’s a point to all of this. Wondering if it will ever end. I get to the point where I’m physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. I come to a slow painful realization that unless something changes, I’m in trouble.

In the fullness of this moment the true motivation of my heart is revealed.

I’ve found that I’m really good at explaining the stuff that seems to keep me from living in the fullness of who Jesus made me. Many times my finger points to other people. If they would just…. I’m also learning that the truth remains silent to those not yet able to hear it and I must uncomfortably acknowledge that I’ve not grown enough to be able to see the truth of my heart’s deep motives. So I find myself rowing hard against the waves, close to giving up, or giving in, and it’s here, at this breaking point, I experience the fear I fight so hard to keep from expressing. When I’ve exhausted my own resources, and I’ve exhausted what I know and believe about my Savior, the doors in the deeper chambers of my heart open to reveal the true extent of the good and the bad in me.

When Jesus appeared to his disciples, the full depth of their fear was on full display. And in the same instant, Jesus meets embraces the core of their fear. “Don’t be afraid, take courage, I am here. I’ve stepped out of the middle of the darkness to meet you at your deepest point of need.”

This helps me understand Peter’s response. I like to think that he is reacting from the deepest part of his heart. I’m not sure he doubted that it was Jesus as much as his immediate heart’s cry was to be as close to Him as possible. Peter was fully exposed and Jesus is the only place where the exposed heart is safe. I can feel his depth of soul response to climb out of the safety of the boat to embrace the safety of Jesus.

In the middle of my storm, when I am exposed, I hear the Savior of my heart respond, “Yes, come.” And whether my heart fearlessly dances on the waves in the safety of my Savior’s presence, or my fearful heart cries out “Jesus, save me”, I will take courage in knowing that my heart knows the only place where the exposed heart is safe.